Count Dracula

Having covered any number of far more tumultuous and unruly elections in India, I have become a willing victim of an onslaught of trivia that accompanies any such exercise. The just concluded U.S. presidential election was no different in so much as it spawned quirky and oddly funny asides.

The notion, however flawed and unverifiable, that both President George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry are in fact descendants of Count Dracula has intrinsic humor to it. If the Web site www.ancestry.com’s claim has any veracity, both Bush and Kerry are related to Prince Vlad III of Wallachia, better known as the bloodsucking Dracula, if their ancestry is traced back by 34 generations. The site also claimed the two are actually ninth cousins, twice removed.

“It is election time –– the dark prince feels strangely compelled to exercise his votes,” said the caption accompanying a graphic of Count Dracula wondering whom to vote for.

The site went on to claim that over 10,000 Americans are related to Count Dracula.

Although the claim ought to be treated more as a matter of jest than a credible perspective on the presidential election, it did underscore as to what extent people in America needed a distraction from an otherwise intense race. As long as one accepted the claim to be authentic it is clear that no matter who wins the election, the U.S. would be ruled by a descendent of Count Dracula.

Then there was the much-talked about and yet unexplained protrusion on the back of President Bush’s coat. Conspiracy theorists insisted with some earnestness that it was really a classified receiving device that Bush aides used during the three presidential debates to prompt the president every time he ran into a difficult moment. It left me wondering though about the quality of promptings he received from his aides considering the often inarticulate nature of his response. With his tongue firmly in his cheek, Bush explained the bulge on his back as merely an ill-tailored shirt. A news and current affairs site as highly respected as Salon.com had a story quoting a NASA scientist who said it was indeed a receiving device and not the bulge caused by an ill-tailored shirt.

Even in the best of democracies such as the U.S., campaigning often degenerates into the theater of the absurd. The hyperactive campaigns, flushed with tens of millions of dollars from rather generous contributors, had last-minute television ads. One particular Bush campaign ad drew my attention. It showed a pack of wolves perambulating a thick forest. For the less discerning among you, wolves were a metaphor for terrorists waiting to attack. As if right on cue, the pack of wolves moves closer as the voice over said, “Weakness attracts those who are waiting to do America harm.” It is a different story that the wolves looked suspiciously well trained.

My personal favorite story related to the election was about the shortage of flu vaccines and how it manifested as part of the election debate.

A ferry company in Washington state is offering a sort of vaccine tourism to the neighboring Canadian city of Vancouver.

Apparently, the ferry operator did brisk business for $105 a ride that included flu shots for its American passengers who felt compelled to take this extraordinary step in the face of the politically surcharged shortage of flu shots across the U.S.

Like all seasoned hacks one must quote a taxi driver to make a point. Rashid Khan, a Pakistani cab driver in New York, said he found the panic quite “humorous.”

“I had a woman passenger who happened to cough a bit. When I just joked whether she had taken the flu shot she got so angry, she got off midway through her fare.

“I told her back home in Pakistan and India we don’t even consider the flu as a disease,” the cab driver said.