Sonia Agarwal is a sophomore at Rutgers University, New Jersey, majoring in biochemistry and psychology. (Photo: Courtesy, Sonia Agarwal)

Every one knows that the eastern and western cultures are totally different. But how does the Indian American youth find the balance between the virtues offered by these totally different worlds, one that they are born with, and the other that they are born into? I’ve always been a big fan of Shakespeare. I am extremely fond of this piece where he compares life to a stage and all of us merely actors, just playing our parts in the play of life. For me, a large portion of my time on the stage of life has been spent just trying to find my identity.

My name is Sonia Agarwal. I was born and brought up in Scotch Plains, a small quaint town in New Jersey. I spent my childhood playing soccer and basketball. I went to day care after school because both my parents worked.

I celebrate all the festivals that are celebrated here in the United States. No one would get more excited than me about Christmas. I even remember my first crush... in fourth grade. It sounds like a normal childhood –– but perhaps not for an Indian. At least my parents didn’t think so. So they shipped me off to India to live with my grandparents, in hope that I would gain some Indian values. But what I learned is that its not where you are, its who you are.

In India, I lived in a joint family. It had always been just my mom, dad, baby brother and me, so this was quite a change. But having so many people around was very nice. The house was always lively. The women of the house spent their days cooking, cleaning and taking care of the young children.

The men, my grandfather and his three sons (my uncles) shared a common business, which they conducted from the office room in the house. And us cousins, well, we went to different schools, and pretty much did our own things. Dinnertime was something else. It was the one time in the day when the whole family got together, all 15 of us. It was a time when we shared our experiences of the day. Sort of. The men would sit down to dinner first, while we girls stood on the side and served them. And it was pretty much the men who would do talking. Still, it was the togetherness that counted. Right? I remember one Sunday morning when my cousin Minakshi and I were lazing around the living room playing cards and watching TV in our pajamas. My dadaji’s business partner came over, and we were immediately sent to our rooms to change into something decent and bring the guest water and namkeen.

‘Wear something decent?’ I had wondered, ‘What’s wrong with pajamas?’

I had many such experiences that had me questioning, during my six-year stay in India. I wasn’t allowed to go out at night unless I had one of my ‘male cousins accompany me.’ I mean, even my dogie Dolly had that privilege.

Dating was, of course, strictly prohibited. But so was getting too close to any guy, my dad included. I had always been my daddy’s little girl. I used to sit on his lap, talk to him about everything, and even play videogames with him. But all that changed. According to everyone in India, girls don’t sit on their dad’s lap, girls should talk to their mothers, and a father’s job is not to play videogames. I still don’t understand many of these restrictions, but I think there is absolutely no reason behind them. While in India, I had always gotten the feeling that I was overprotected, that girls in general are overprotected and given very minimal freedom.

Life in India is very different compared to life here in America. America offers a lot of freedom and equality to both men and women. Partying till late in the night is very common. Sex is not unheard of, and neither is drinking. I’m not saying it is necessary for all Indians to participate in these activities, but on the other hand, it is all part of the American society. It is impossible to judge your Indian virtues by comparing yourself to people of India.

Being Indian-American, I have always had two roles to play, often simultaneously. And now, after my long stay in India, I think that I am finally able to play them both. The role of an American, as a friend to many, a student, and an employee. But also the role of an Indian, as a daughter, sister, and just a member of the Agarwal family to all of our society. I can finally say that my personality is complete, because it is the integration of these two traits that defines who I am. Not all Indian Americans have to go to India to find themselves. I did, and I’m grateful for it. My experience has allowed me a win-win situation, to take the good qualities of both cultures.